Jay P. Granat, Ph.D.
Over the years, I have counseled thousands of patients who are considering a divorce, in the midst of a divorce or trying to recover from the dissolution of their marriage.
Healing does take time and people going through this process are apt to experience a range of emotions including sadness, guilt, anger, resentment, anxiety, frustration and depression.
The good news is that therapy can expedite the healing process and help people to view the end of their marriage in a more positive manner.
Some years ago, I developed a visualization technique based on Ericksonian
Psychotherapy and Hypnosis and which seems to help many divorcing individuals to heal from their loss and restore their over all well-being.
A summary of this technique appears below.
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths as you listen to my voice.
Each time you breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. And every time you inhale you take in relaxation, peace and healing. And each time you exhale you let go of or diminish any pain, sadness or any negative or uncomfortable thought or unpleasant emotion.
So, your breath becomes a powerful healing tool. You can use your breath to adjust your mood whenever you need to do so.
And as you use your breathing to heal yourself, you may also discover that your mind can go back in time if you want it to do so.
And as you go back in time………
Do you remember when you were a little boy or a little girl?
You may remember what you looked like back then or you may have seen photos videos of yourself from your childhood.
You may also recall what the house you grew up in looked like.
Now, when you were a child, you probably fell down while running or while riding your bicycle. And most likely, you bruised your knee or your elbow. And your arm or your leg probably bled what felt like a lot back then.
Then your mom, dad or a neighbor came along and gave you a hug and comforted you.
They washed out the wound and applied an antiseptic to the injury. This probably that stung a bit. When it was placed on your wound, you may have felt like you were going to have to feel a little worse before you could feel a little better.
And then your caretaker applied a band aid or some gauze and tape that was just the right size to cover and protect your wound.
This helped you to feel less pain, a bit safer and a bit more secure.
The wound may have felt worse for the next day and for even a few more days or weeks.
You probably had to change the band aid every day or so. And you may have to wash the injured spot frequently.
But in time, the wound began to heal, even though you may have scratched it at times, like most kids do.
And after the passage of a little some more time, a scab formed, all the bleeding stopped and the old skin was replaced with news softer but tougher new skin.
After a little more time, the pain subsided almost completely. Though, you still had some good days and bad days with your wound.
Now, the pain from some wounds may not ever go away one hundred per cent.
Many of us have physical aches and pains that stay with us, but we push on in spite of them.
But, luckily, sometimes healing eighty or ninety percent is sufficient for us to carry on to feel generally okay.
As you can see, the mind heals from emotional losses and wounds in much the same way that it heals from physical injuries.
So, if you or someone you love is struggling with a loss, think about the process of healing described in the metaphor.
Perhaps it will to help to lessen your pain, allow you to heal and to move forward with your life with a more positive spirit.
Give it a try. Interestingly, this same technique has been used by people who are dealing with the death of a loved one.
You can also call him at 201 647-9191.